guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
