Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
