You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
