I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
