I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
