Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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