if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
