i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
