How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
me + whiskey = a bad person
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
