Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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