if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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