there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
