Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Randomize
