I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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