that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
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