Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I can't trust your balls anymore.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
