This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
