she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
