He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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