you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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