I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
