So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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