this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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