Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Randomize
