Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
