The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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