i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
