my mouth tastes like poor choices
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I can't turn off my feet"
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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