I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
