ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
It's official drugs can't kill me
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Randomize
