you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
