I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Randomize
