I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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