We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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