I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I checked into jail on foursquare
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
