Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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