i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Are we still banned from the library?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
