i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
