I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Randomize
