I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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