I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
