flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
