Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
