I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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