Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
