i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
