3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
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