Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
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