btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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