If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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