I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
