she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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