No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
