90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
