Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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