I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
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