but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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