yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
