dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
