no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
