He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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