I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize