1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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