You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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