I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
