I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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