awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
