Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
