It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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