I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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