Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
