drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
