so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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