I'm passing your future prison.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
