Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Randomize
