I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
