He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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