The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Randomize
