Midget sex pt 2 tonight
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
not ubering you a puppy
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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