go do what you do best...puke behind churches
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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