Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
