Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
