By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
