Umm I'm too high to move.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
