my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
